Roadside Deer
Lions Gate Bridge, Vancouver
The Honeymoon
New Lovers Within two weeks of the union with the Inner Beloved, he goes on a management development course sponsored by his employer. The timing is fortuitous, like those first days in a marriage when a couple takes that special holiday in which they are able to devote their whole attention to each other, this is a honeymoon with the Inner Beloved.

Driving the highway from his village for the first time since the union, his Sophie is overcome by the beauty of a blue-skied day in early May and the continued promise of freedom embodied in the open road ahead of them. They experience together not only the euphoric joy of the first phase of love, but the incredulous yet ecstatic release of one who has been held captive for a lifetime.

This drive itself is somewhat frustrating. Stimulated by the passing scenes, analysis flows at a great rate, and he finds he has to check its course for fear of losing it. Without a method to record his insights while driving, he feels he must stop the flow and recycle the thoughts so as not to forget, but in any event his ideas lose their initial clarity. He realizes later that the true value of this experience of the intuition fueling the analytic engine is in simply building up the functioning of the newly working mind, the left and right brain working in tandem to to produce more than the sum of the whole. A lot of the analyses may not be all that important for their own sake, and perhaps those which are will be recalled later.

Upon crossing into Vancouver over the suspended heights of the Lion's Gate Bridge he experiences a gushy episode in which Sophie thanks him for loving and accepting her, and marvels at "the jewels on the ocean" as they look out to sea. The depth of emotional release makes driving difficult, but this journey is almost over.

For him, it is difficult to imagine a dark counterpart. In looking at Sophie as objectively as possible, he sees blemishes which are minor, not dominating: vanity and jealousy, some desire to control, perhaps some fatalism. These are unsurprising consequences of her dungeon imprisonment of so many years, living to be shamed and tortured by her only love, briefly let out to exercise in the shadowed light of an inner courtyard, even more rarely to walk leashed on the ramparts. Her only true power lay in the darkness of his dreams.

Knowing how she experienced suffering at his hand makes their new life together seem so incredible, so unbelievable yet certain: the purity of her sacred love for him, how vital that intimacy is to her, how absolute her forgiveness. She models radical forgiveness and perfect love, expresses uncompromising, unrelenting, and overwhelming grace. Within his psyche she has fought her way to the cross and given up her life to save him, a Christ within. Actively rejecting all offerings of humility and guilt, she exults in their wholeness and equality. They dwell in the present - and begin a new journey towards the divine.

The Inner Beloved ©2005 David J. Wilson
Updated October 17, 2005
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